Tuesday, September 06, 2011


I'm having one of those phases again; the kind of phase when I have so much going on inside me that it feels like my heart is being ripped out mercilessly by a force unseen while my mind is in shambles, dazed and confused and devoid of any understanding of why it's going through all this unnecessary angst. And unnecessary it is, truly. While everything in my life is supposedly in the places they are supposed to be, I'm not kidding you when I say I have no idea why I feel so tormented and torn all the time. And all this pent up anguish is not just in my mind. The pain is getting more and more real and physical everyday, and there are times when I would trade my soul just to have this unexplained heartache disappear. I have no clue how to deal with it, and the tears won't even come out even though I've been begging them to. At least they could well up from deep inside where the pain throbs the most, and maybe that could be the balm that's needed?

Well, here I am, rambling on and on in the hope that maybe all this venting will diminish this awful dark feeling I have swelling up to my throat right now, but it's only getting worse. And so I stop here now, hoping that someone, anyone, can point me in the direction of the sunlight that has been missing from my life for way too long now. Maybe someone can explain why I'm having to go through this awful phase now and again and how to get over it. Help, anyone?


Anonymous said...

Hmm...why so much torment and anguish in that pretty little head ? Perhaps this might help. It always works for me.

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
Though there are clouds in the sky,
You'll get by.....
If you smile through your fears and sorrows
Smile, and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through
For you.....

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.

And one more thing......Never sell your soul.....it's Who You Are.
Have a nice day

Purple Butterfly said...

Dear Anonymous, I can't thank you enough for your kind words :) If it means anything to you, it meant a lot to me at a time when I'm feeling extremely vulnerable and hopeless. Your words really did bring a genuine big smile to my face, and that is something that is quite rare these days. Thank you very very much!

Anonymous said...

hello Purple Butterfly....... you are most welcome. Glad to be able to make you smile for a while :) I suppose I done my good deed for the day.
Sometimes venting your feelings, especially to a stranger, is more helpful than sharing them with those you know, simply because there are no emotional attachments to get in the way.
You are only the second person I've sent those words to. The other person was also feeling vulnerable and let down and alone.
Somehow it feels good to put a little ray of sunshine into someone elses world. to

I quite enjoy reading your little passages. You are very passionate and so very expressive...I like that in a writer. Not that I can read much anymore.
But you keep on writing and I'll keep reading for as long as I can.....:)

Purple Butterfly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Purple Butterfly said...

Thank you once more for the encouragement. A little appreciation is sometimes all that a person needs to go through a seemingly endless day.

Anonymous said...

OK, no probs.....earlier post removed ? ohhhhh!!

Purple Butterfly said...

Oh the same words got posted twice in that post, so i had to delete it.Oh the same words got posted twice in that post, so i had to delete it.

Anonymous said...

OK.... it's happened again in the same post. Must be 2 of you....douuble trouble.
I'll catch up with reading some your earliest posts, while you compose your next instalment.

Anonymous said...

Hi there....here's a probable explanation for the emotions you are experiencing.
Sometimes when someone very close to you, like a family memmber or friend is going through a rough patch, either emotionally or healthwise, and you are very worried about them....you can get this way.
It is not uncommon to experince feelings of anger, anguish, anxiety and hopelessness, especially when the situation is out of your hands. And it is so damn frustrating to watch and wait. So the best thing to do is to keep yourself occipied and smile, and maybe say a little prayer.
It will soon pass. You see, I have learned that God never burdens us with more than we can handle. So my reasoning is, those who always seem to get more than their fair share of issues and problems do so because God has determined that they have the ability and mental toughness to deal with it.
As you can tell, my logic probably leaves a lot to be desired :)

Purple Butterfly said...

You can never be too off beam when you talk about prayers and faith at least :) Well, the days are quite dark for me as they are, but I've found that whenever I close my eyes for a silent prayer straight from the heart, it makes my heart a lot lighter, probably because the One above decides to give me a break just for a little while only to remind me that He's not too far off...My faith is still strong, and I believe He will get me through this ordeal some day sooner or later.

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