Friday, September 16, 2011

Home

I think I've kinda figured out what this nagging anxiety within me really is. For the past couple of months, I've had this strange feeling of 'not belonging' that has left me restless and fidgety throughout the long days and the sleepless nights. I have no idea how it came to exist within me, but it has, and now that it has, it's stubborn about not leaving. I've been trying real hard to fit into this one life that I've been given, because let's face it, it's the only shot I've got at living. And yet, I can't seem to make this very disturbing feeling of being 'lost and hopeless' leave me at peace. I sit in my own bedroom, on my own bed, and yet I feel so forlorn...like I have somewhere else to be, like this is not where I belong. I struggle through each day, hoping the next will be more promising and yet the next day comes and goes without me feeling any better. I miss that familiar feeling of being 'home', being at peace with my own thoughts and with my surroundings. 
It seems like I don't even know where home is anymore, because there isn't a single place that gives me that sense of tranquility that I so badly need right now. I'm grappling my way through a long dark winding corridor right now, hoping there's light somewhere ahead....and and if and when I reachthat light, I hope that familiar feeling of being home will wash through my soul once again and wrap my whole being with its warm and comforting presence.
 

4 comments:

Ice Maiden said...

Visiting a quiet beach used to give me back my sense of belonging whenever I lost it. Actually, it used to be that distinct feeling of how small I really am in this big big world.. which used to be comforting for some reason. Strange, but true. :)

Purple Butterfly said...

Excellent idea Ice Maiden :) I wish I had a beach nearby I could visit, but since I don't, I'm taking a short trip to a green little city next weekend...I hope the wilderness will help me put things in perspective the same way the beach works for you :)
I went through your lovely blog posts and became a follower instantly. Congratulations on your recent engagement!

Anonymous said...

Well if you've figured out that feeling lost is what is causing your anxiety and anguish, and you can't understand why you're feeling that way, then maybe the answer lies in your dreams.
Your sub-conscious may be able to show you the path to finding yourself again. Problem is that what you see in your dreams, is never quite as simple or clear cut as it seems.
I generally immerse myself in music for hours on end. Moving forward and never dwelling on the past also works wonders, coz sometimes we tend to ponder on what we did and where we were, rather than what we can do and where we can go.
And last but not least, look inside your heart and search your soul. You should find it there, then you'll search no more.
And if all else fails, let me know....I'll say a little prayer for you.r....Laurel

Anonymous said...

damn !!! Typo right at the end. Oh well, I'm getting better :) :)

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