I think I've kinda figured out what this nagging anxiety within me really is. For the past couple of months, I've had this strange feeling of 'not belonging' that has left me restless and fidgety throughout the long days and the sleepless nights. I have no idea how it came to exist within me, but it has, and now that it has, it's stubborn about not leaving. I've been trying real hard to fit into this one life that I've been given, because let's face it, it's the only shot I've got at living. And yet, I can't seem to make this very disturbing feeling of being 'lost and hopeless' leave me at peace. I sit in my own bedroom, on my own bed, and yet I feel so forlorn...like I have somewhere else to be, like this is not where I belong. I struggle through each day, hoping the next will be more promising and yet the next day comes and goes without me feeling any better. I miss that familiar feeling of being 'home', being at peace with my own thoughts and with my surroundings.
It seems like I don't even know where home is anymore, because there isn't a single place that gives me that sense of tranquility that I so badly need right now. I'm grappling my way through a long dark winding corridor right now, hoping there's light somewhere ahead....and and if and when I reachthat light, I hope that familiar feeling of being home will wash through my soul once again and wrap my whole being with its warm and comforting presence.